My mother told me that I did not start speaking until I was 3 years old and ever since then I was always a quiet child. I kept to myself when others were around. I preferred to play by myself. I was an only child for the first 8 years of my life. I had very few friends. The friends I did have ruined my favorite toys.
I remember my first cabbage patch doll. Cabbage patch dolls were very expensive and hard to get when they first came out. I was the first one to get it amongst my friends. I played with my doll every chance I got. My friend Kim would come over to play with me. My mother saw how much Kim liked my doll. She bought her one the next week. Kim came over everyday to play. We spent the whole day playing with our dolls.
After a long day of playing my mother told Kim that it was time for her to go home. Kim and I said goodbye to each other and then she went home. After Kim left I went to play with my doll and I noticed that the face was colored with markers. I immediately started to cry. My mother came running into my room and asked me what had happened. I showed her my doll and told her Kim had marked it up when I wasn’t looking. I couldn’t understand why she would do such a thing especially when my mother had bought her the same doll. I never got a real explanation.
My sitter and her daughter used to live in my basement. Her daughter Sandy was a year older than me. We got along great for the first few years. Then Sandy would do things to get me into trouble. Our bond that we first had started to fade away. After that I noticed some of my toys were missing. I waited a couple of weeks before I told my mother. I asked if we could go downstairs to see if my toys were by Sandy. We went downstairs as soon as we opened the door I saw all of my missing toys. I was happy that I found my toys. I went to go grab them and my mother stopped me. She told me to leave them there and that we would come back for them when Sandy gets back. I was so eager for them to get home. Every noise I heard I ran to the window to see if it was them. I did that all day until they finally came home. I called my mother and told her that Sandy was home.
We adventually went downstairs and asked them if they had seen my toys. They looked us straight in the eye and told us no. I immediately felt sad and angry. I didn’t understand why they would lie to us. My mother told them ok and we headed back upstairs. I started to cry and yelled at my mother and asked her why she didn’t tell them that we saw the toys. She said don’t worry I will buy you some new ones. That night I didn’t have a good night sleep. I kept reliving what had happened. The next day my mother told Sandy’s mother that she will no longer need her service and that they had a month to move. I felt some relief knowing that they were leaving. I hoped that when they left they would leave my toys. One way I came back from school and found out they had left. I went into the basement franticly looking for my toys. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find them. I walked back upstairs with my head down and a overwhelming feeling of sadness.
The rest of my childhood into my early adulthood I had trust issues and I kept to myself.
I learned how to trust when I became aware that I lost trust from those experiences. I had so long forgot about them. They were a seed that was planted and it flourished into a deep rooted weed. When I recognized it I forgave my friends for what they had done. Then I was able to dig up that weed and replant a new seed. This time it grew into a beautiful plant filled with trust and love.
With Love,
Coach Tracie
