How I dealt with my sons curiosity about relationships

          One afternoon while my son was playing with his friend a striking conversation came up which peaked my interest. My sons friend said his parents don't get along. My son asked if they where still together. His friend said no. They argue all the time and they are not even talking to each other now. My son gave a look of confusion based off of what he had just heard.  My son told his friend that his parents where still married. I was very shocked when I heard him say that. My ex husband and I have been divorced and living separately for going on three years now. He goes to his fathers house every other weekend. 

          I asked my son what makes him say that? He said"because you and daddy do inappropriate stuff." I was sitting on the steps and at this point I was on the edge of the steps trying to understand what inappropriate means to my 7 year old child.  I asked, what is inappropriate stuff?  He started  to blush and said you know. I told him no I don't know please explain. He said" remember in the summer when you and daddy were in the car."  I replied are you talking about when your dad gave me a kiss and hugged me in the car. He began to blush and ran off and continued playing with his friend. 

My sons father and I remain friends although we are separated. I called his father and told him about the conversation I just had with our son. I suggested that we both need to sit down and tell him about the divorce. He said it was not a good idea and that he should figure it out on his own. I said okay and ended the call. 

          My son is 7 years old and he is usually very quiet. Lately he has been asking a lot of questions related to relationships. One of his questions was how is his grandmother(fathers mother) married to someone other than his grandpa. His next question was why does his friend and his friend sister have different last names. I answered his questions in a way that he could grasp and understand.

     
           After  the conversation with him it became very clear that it was time to tell him about the divorce.  I started to plan out how I was going to tell him.When the opportunity presented itself I was going to discuss it. A couple weeks later I had a opportunity to tell him. I began talking to him about relationships and how they begin.  I also told him that not all relationships last. After a couple minutes of talking he asked me if his dad and I were divorced.  I told him yes and asked when did he figure it out. He said he figured it out this week in class. I asked what were you doing in class that made you figure it out. He said when I learned about Maya Angelou. Then I asked what did you learn about Maya Angelou? He said that when her parents got a divorce she went mute for 5 years. I asked him if he had any questions to ask me. He asked me why did his dad and I get a divorce. I explained to him that when we first met we were inseparable. As time passed we grew apart. I asked how he was feeling. He told me he was sad. I told him nothing is going to change you are just aware of the divorce now. If he has any questions or concerns that he can always come to me and ask. Then we went to get a milk shake.

        

         It occurred to me that he didn't know how to feel. He was basing his feelings off of how Maya Angelou reacted to her parents divorce. He thought that because Maya Angelou was sad after her parents divorce that he should be sad to.

Blogs are posted on Friday. Feel free to comment and share. If you have something you would like me to discuss share it in the comments or email osborne.tracie@gmail.com.

Have a great week on purpose,

Tracie Osborne

copyright 2016 Tracie Osborne All rights reserved

It was only a moment, stop blocking your joy

Zen Buddist story
         Two monks, going to a neighboring monastery, walked side by side in silence. They arrived at a river they had to cross. That season, waters were higher than usual. On the bank, a young woman was hesitating and asked the younger of the two monks for help. He exclaimed, 'Don't you see that I am a monk, that I took a vow of chastity?'
         'I require nothing from you that could impede your vow, but simply to help me to cross the river. 'replied the young woman with a little smile.
         'I...not...I can...do nothing for you, 'said the embarrassed young monk.
         'It doesn't matter, 'said the elderly monk. 'Climb on my back and we will cross together.
Having reached the other bank, the old monk put down the young woman who, in return, thanked him with a broad smile. She left her side and both monks continued their route in silence. Close to the monastery, the young monk could not stand it anymore and said, 'You shouldn't have carried that person on your back. It's against our rules.'
          'This young woman needed help and I put her down on the other bank. You didn't carry her at all, but she is still on your back, 'replied the older monk." -Unknown Author


           When I was in college I used to have a lot of road rage. There would be times when someone would cut me off and I would catch up to them and throw pennies at their drivers side window.
 
           There was a incident that happened and I was glad I didn't throw any pennies. This incident happened during winter break while driving back home with my friend and a car full of our belongings. It was a 50 minute drive from my school to my house. At this point, I was about 10 minutes from my house. I was so engaged in the conversation that I was having that I almost missed my exit. I was in the middle lane and I needed to get over immediately to exit. I saw a car in the right lane and I slowed down to let the car pass. For some reason instead of the car passing it slowed down also. I waved my hand at the person driving the car to try to get him to move from in front of the exit. The person refused to drive away. My friend and I became very agitated and we said lets throw some pennies at him to get him to move. We were just about to grab some pennies to throw at the vehicle. We looked up at the vehicle and saw his police badge on the drivers side window. He started waving his hand to the side direction me to pull over.
       
          I immediately went from being angry to being scared. All I could think about was what if I would have threw those pennies at his car. My friend was still mad at the police officer for blocking the exit and then pulling us over.
      
             When the undercover police officer approached my vehicle I was very nervous, because I had never been pulled over before. The officer approached my drivers side window, I asked him why did he pull me over? Before the officer could speak, my friend immediately started arguing with the officer. I tried calming her down, but to no avail. The officer stated that he could give me a summons for obstruction of view. He said because I wasn't the one that was arguing with him that he is not going to give me a summons. He said if my friend was driving it would of been different.
           
            My friend talked about that situation all the way home. She continued to bring up that incident for at least two years. Every time she bought it up I would ask her when are you going to put that police officer down. He moved on with his life and you are still stuck on the highway. Put him down so that you can see all the great things that are waiting for you.

     
           We carry a situation that only lasted for a couple minutes throughout the day. When we do this it ruins our whole day, week, etc. We have to let it go and learn from it and move on. Every time you thing or talk about the situation you are keeping it alive and it will never resolve.

            
           We never have a bad day. We might have bad moments within the day. We all have 24hrs in a day. We sleep for at least 10hrs out of the 24hrs. Continuing to think and talk about your bad moments is what makes you create a bad day, week, month and or years.

"Stop worrying about what you don't like, and start worrying about what you do like."  Tracie Osborne

Are you the young monk or are you the elder monk?
         

Blogs are posted on Friday. Feel free to comment and share. If you have something you would like me to discuss share it in the comments or email osborne.tracie@gmail.com.



Have a great week on purpose,


Tracie Osborne




copyright 2016 Tracie Osborne All rights reserved

Learning How To Blog Publicly

            I've come to realize that we are always quick to tell ourselves what we can and can't do. I've learned from my past that you become what you think you are. If you think you are a failure you will become a failure by default. If you think you are successful you will become successful by default. It all starts with our thoughts. I first became aware of  this concept from a book called "Think and Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill. After I read the book, I started to implement what I learned.

            When I turned thirty, I created a bucket list. Learning how to swim was one of the items on my list.

          There was a swim coach who was trained by an Olympian that taught swim lessons 3 times a week at my gym. I changed my schedule and started taking lessons immediately. It took me about a month to learn how to swim. When my coach said I was ready to swim in the deep end of the pool, that's when fear struck me. A lot of my fear of the deep end came from my culture and hearing stories of people drowning.

          I recognized my fear and began changing my negative thoughts about deep water to positive thoughts, which eventually released me from my invisible prison (fear). It didn't come easy because my fear of deep water started when I was young.  It took a lot of convincing to get my thoughts aligned with what I wanted to do. By changing my thoughts about deep water I eliminated my fear of deep water.

              Then there was another thought that placed me back into my invisible prison (fear). I kept telling myself that I didn't know how to swim.  My thoughts of not knowing became my reality. When I tried to swim to the deeper end of the pool, I began to panic.  All of a sudden I couldn't breath and all of my swimming skills seemed to disappear.  I immediately brought my head up from the water and found my way to the side of the pool.
             
                 My coach walked over to me and asked me what happened. I told him that I didn't know how to swim. He told me that I have all the skills that was required to swim in the deep end. He told me I should relax for a couple minutes then try again. I believed what my coach told me and after a couple minutes I started to swim towards the other side of the pool. I recognized that my own negative thoughts about swimming is what made me panic. At this point I already knew how to swim, but because I kept telling myself that I couldn't, I failed every time. My biggest evil was my self doubt of  my ability to swim. Once I convinced myself that I knew how to swim. I was able to swim freely.

"When we think a thought long enough, it becomes our belief, then our realty." Tracie Osborne

             I just started blogging about six weeks ago. The reason I started blogging was to inspire people and to share new ways of thinking using my experience as an example.  I also started this blog to become a better writer. I realized  the only difference between myself and a writer is that they write more than me.  Blogging gives me the platform to write as much as I choose. I post a blog once a week for now and I write a daily journal.  With each passing week of writing, I am noticing improvement in my writing.

  "I haven't failed I just found 10,000 ways that don't work." Thomas Edison

            Each passing week is becoming easier because of all the positive and negative feedback I have received.  My negative thoughts are turning into more positive ones.  Now I am posting my blogs with very little help because, I am becoming more confident in my writing now. I know I can only get better.  I can't wait to see how I will be writing six months from now.

            There will always be fear when we are starting something new.  The question is, will you move through it or will you make an excuse? Or even worse, lock yourself up in the invisible prison (fear)? The choice is yours.

Have you ever let fear hold you back from doing something?  Have you ever felt fear and became successful from it? How do you like my blogs so far? What suggestions do you have for my blogs?  All criticism are welcome. Please share in the comments below.


Have a successful week on purpose,

Tracie Osborne



Copyright 2016 Tracie Osborne All rights reserved

Conquering my Dis-ease

Hello Readers,

         This week I decided to conquer my dis-ease. I was diagnosed with pneumonia over 2 months ago. I went for a follow up with a specialist a week ago.  We reviewed over the chest xray that I took that day. It showed that I still had bilateral pneumonia.  I asked the specialist what course of treatment are we going to take?  He said to follow up in two months and if I am still having symptoms of shortness of breath.  He will prescribe a course of treatment(inhalers). I knew right then that I needed to take back control of my body.  I know that inhalers or any form of synthetic is not going to work for me.

Since I had this dis-ease it slowed me down to the point where I can't even walk up a flight of steps without being out of breath. I can't even walk through the train station without having to take a break. I definitely can't keep up with my very active 4 boys. I am discouraged to go places especially when there is a lot of walking involved.

            When I went to my other specialist I asked about lung therapy. He said that is only for patients who have severe lung problems. I looked at him and said what does severe mean because for me this is severe. I can't walk up a flight of steps. I can't walk through a train station. I have to take cabs or drive everywhere because with exertion I experience shortness of breath and cardiac symptoms.

So again what is severe to a person really depends on what is normal for them.

           During my research I saw that exercising was a form of lung therapy. I decided that I needed to conquer my own body from this dis-ease. I determined that I am going to do some strength training exercises and breathing exercises.

          One thing I know is that I am in control of my body not the dis-ease. The same way I attracted this dis-ease is the same way I am going to release it. When I first got the dis-ease it made me still and there was mental growth in that stillness. Now that I have grown it is time to get rid of the lingering symptoms from my past.

          When the weather permits I love to get on my bike especially with friends and go for a nice ride through New York City sometimes while on the ride we venture to other states. We ride from 630am till about 430 pm. We average between 30 to 50 miles on the bike in one ride. If we are doing a bike tour or we feel like challenging ourselves we do 80+ miles. I know that there is no time for inhalers for me. That will take away from my ride.

           During the colder months I workout inside. I work out a couple times a week. Since the dis-ease I haven't been working out. This week I decided to start back working out. I went to my favorite and most challenging class aquajog. Aquajog is a intense class that is conducted in the deep end of the pool. It is a form of deep water running. While aqua jogging your feet don't touch the bottom of the pool, so it is zero impact and safe for most injury. What I like most enjoy about aquajog is that I don't have any post muscle aches, like I do when I workout on land.

            I called my instructor to give her a heads up to take it easy on me. I went into the aquajog class thin king I might only be able to do ten minutes. I didn't care because it was a start of taking control of my body. As I entered the pool I was greeted with a warm welcome from my instructor and class mates. It felt so good to be back. I began the workout on a good start. I didn't over extend myself. I took breaks when needed.
           There is something about working out in water that is so serene and calming. While in the water the belt helps keep you a float. Your body is dangling in the depth of the water. It takes a lot of strain off of your body. I have seen people come to class after back surgery, knee surgery and etc. They get around as best they could post surgery and are in constant pain. When they get in the water all that goes away for at least one hour. They keep coming back just so they can get a relief and physical therapy.  

         For the first time I could relate to them. I was in the water and I felt like in that moment there was no more dis-ease. The goal of ten minutes had passed me by as if it were ten seconds. I missed the calmness of the water and at the same time the challenge  that the water gives. There is nothing like working out in ten feet of water.

          It reminds me of the times I went to the beach and I walked through the ocean water.  As I go deeper into the water I begin to slow down unwillingly because it becomes much harder to walk briskly in the depth of the water. The water is up to my chest now. At this time I realize the water is at a level that I am uncomfortable with.  A decision has to be made. Do I go farther and push myself to the next level?  Do I turn around and go back to what's comfortable?

Come back each Friday for a new blog. Feel free to comment and share. If you have something you would like me to discuss share it in the comments or email osborne.tracie@gmail.com.

Have a Conquering week on purpose,

Tracie Osborne

copyright 2016 Tracie Osborne All rights reserved