Why did I walk him to school

                 I was walking back home when to my surprise, I saw my youngest son standing across the street. My heart started to race and my breaths became labored. I was shocked then became angry that he was across the street.  Let me rewind to 30 minutes prior. It was a school day and I was getting ready to walk my oldest son to school. When the weather permits my twins ride their bikes or scooters to his school. This particular morning, one of my twins decided that he did not want to cooperate. He sat on the floor and refused to put on his sneakers and coat. I gave him some time to get ready. I explained to him that if he doesn't put his shoes and coat on that he will not be able to go. I could have just told my son to walk to school by himself. I had to take his twin into consideration. He was ready to walk to his brother school. If I would of stayed it would of been unfair to him.

                   I ran out of time and I had to leave.  I did not want my son to get detention for being late. Before I left, I gave him another chance to put on his sneakers.  He continued to sit still and not move so I left him in the house with his aunt.  The three of us started walking and my son came running out the house with no shoes on. I told him that he lost his chance to come with us and he had to wait inside until we got back. 

                    I waited until he went inside before I proceeded to walk. We usually take the same route when we are walking to his school, but today because I was not walking him all the way to school, I made a left at the corner instead of crossing the street and going straight. I walked my son a couple feet into the block I gave him a kiss and a hug and told him that I will see him later. I turned back around and started to head back home as I was approaching the corner I saw my son across the street.  I intially was scared because I thought of all the things that could have happened to him while crossing the street by himself. Then that same scare became anger all in a matter of seconds. I was forced to make a split second decision on how to decipline him for his actions.

                    My initial reaction on the way I disciplined him was based on my culture and how I was raised. I started yelling at him and grabbed him amongst other things and told him that he should never do that again. As we were walking back to the house I started to calm down. I didnt know what I was going to do until I saw him in the living room. I saw a little scared boy sitting in the living room. After some deep long breaths and a lot of "whoooosahhhhhs," I was able to talk to him calmly.  I explained to him that mommy got upset because she was scared of all the possible things that could of happened to you. I told him you could of got hit by a car or someone could have taken you away from mommy.  I explained, because mommy knew all of these things, it scared her and made her very upset because she assumed you knew better. Mommy is not mad at you anymore. Just do me a favor and never try and cross the street by yourself again.

                  I asked him what he was thinking and he said he was looking for me. When I heard his reply I immediately felt horrible for my initial reaction.  Here is this little boy who just wanted his mommy. He was determined to find me. His thoughts are pure and simple, not complicated like mine. I called him over to me and gave him a big hug. He went to the bathroom and leaned on the sink and started to cry. I went to the bathroom and I sat on the toilet so I could be his height. I told him, it's okay mommy is not angry and or scared anymore. I am happy because you didn't get hurt and nothing happened to you. I know that you're not going to cross the street any more with out mommy. I gave him a hug and told him that I loved him and he eventually, stopped crying.

         When we address situations dealing with children or any situation it is best that we approach it when we are in a parasympathetic state. What I mean by that is we have two main divisions of the autonomic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system and the  sympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system slows down your heart rate and stimulates your body to rest-and-digest. You are calm and mellow in this state. The sympathetic nervous system accelerate your heart rate, constrict your blood vessels and causes your blood pressure to increase. It stimulates the body's fight-or-flight response. Your sympathetic nervous system is activated when you feel harm, threatened or angry. When you are in this state no ones opinion matters but yours. You are in attack mode. Your rational thinking is blocked. The major problem with reacting in this state will be the consequences for your actions. Can you be forgiven? or Can you forgive yourself? When you feel yourself in this state the best thing you can do is walk away or refrain yourself from speaking until you calm down to your parasympathetic state.



What would you have done if it was your child?



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Have a wonderful week on purpose,

Tracie Osborne



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