One afternoon while my son was playing with his friend a striking conversation came up which peaked my interest. My sons friend said his parents don't get along. My son asked if they where still together. His friend said no. They argue all the time and they are not even talking to each other now. My son gave a look of confusion based off of what he had just heard. My son told his friend that his parents where still married. I was very shocked when I heard him say that. My ex husband and I have been divorced and living separately for going on three years now. He goes to his fathers house every other weekend.
I asked my son what makes him say that? He said"because you and daddy do inappropriate stuff." I was sitting on the steps and at this point I was on the edge of the steps trying to understand what inappropriate means to my 7 year old child. I asked, what is inappropriate stuff? He started to blush and said you know. I told him no I don't know please explain. He said" remember in the summer when you and daddy were in the car." I replied are you talking about when your dad gave me a kiss and hugged me in the car. He began to blush and ran off and continued playing with his friend.
My sons father and I remain friends although we are separated. I called his father and told him about the conversation I just had with our son. I suggested that we both need to sit down and tell him about the divorce. He said it was not a good idea and that he should figure it out on his own. I said okay and ended the call.
My son is 7 years old and he is usually very quiet. Lately he has been asking a lot of questions related to relationships. One of his questions was how is his grandmother(fathers mother) married to someone other than his grandpa. His next question was why does his friend and his friend sister have different last names. I answered his questions in a way that he could grasp and understand.
After the conversation with him it became very clear that it was time to tell him about the divorce. I started to plan out how I was going to tell him.When the opportunity presented itself I was going to discuss it. A couple weeks later I had a opportunity to tell him. I began talking to him about relationships and how they begin. I also told him that not all relationships last. After a couple minutes of talking he asked me if his dad and I were divorced. I told him yes and asked when did he figure it out. He said he figured it out this week in class. I asked what were you doing in class that made you figure it out. He said when I learned about Maya Angelou. Then I asked what did you learn about Maya Angelou? He said that when her parents got a divorce she went mute for 5 years. I asked him if he had any questions to ask me. He asked me why did his dad and I get a divorce. I explained to him that when we first met we were inseparable. As time passed we grew apart. I asked how he was feeling. He told me he was sad. I told him nothing is going to change you are just aware of the divorce now. If he has any questions or concerns that he can always come to me and ask. Then we went to get a milk shake.
It occurred to me that he didn't know how to feel. He was basing his feelings off of how Maya Angelou reacted to her parents divorce. He thought that because Maya Angelou was sad after her parents divorce that he should be sad to.
Blogs are posted on Friday. Feel free to comment and share. If you have something you would like me to discuss share it in the comments or email osborne.tracie@gmail.com.
Have a great week on purpose,
Tracie Osborne
copyright 2016 Tracie Osborne All rights reserved
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